what made me happy today

first cup of tea
scrapbooking during the kids' afternoon nap
sun and rain outside
a parcel (7 kg of books!) from the Franks
Sensei reading to me
kids falling asleep fast and early and simultaneously
tiny fingers gently squeezing my hand
lights and stars outside the window in front of which I'm typing this*

what's making you happy today?

*the picture was supposed to represent both (lights and stars), but my camera refused capturing the stars. I only see the Polar one in the picture, although there're lots of them when I look outside the window. But you get the idea.

i have to do something about my internet time

I meant to post every day.

I also meant to do something scrapbooking-related every day.

I've never, ever managed to do that.

I'd normally come up with an excuse that I don't have enough free time -- a baby and a toddler, you know. But it's just not true. Every day I get at least some free time -- like when the kids are sleeping. A few hours a day! It's more than enough to write a blog post or make a layout. So, I do have the time. I also do have the wish (I pretty much like writing blog posts, let alone scrapbooking). Why don't I do it all then?

The answer is simple. When the kids go to sleep I sit down to my laptop and check my email. Then I check my favorite blogs. Before I know it, I've already spent at least an hour in the internet, and all my energy went there. Honestly, it might be completely different for other people, but after I've spent an hour mindlessly browsing the internet I can't do anything else. I can't make myself get to work, even if this work is what I love doing most of all in the world. I just don't have the energy. It slips away somewhere between all those open tabs.

So, I've come up with a strategy to turn it all around. From now on, whenever I have some free time, I'm going to:

1. Make a cup of tea (I hope it'll help me to get through all the work, and I also want it to become some sort of a ritual, a trigger, a simple reminder that I'm going to do things differently now).

2. Do the work first. Write that blog post. Do some scrapbooking. And then have some time of mindless internet browsing. And then, maybe, do some scrapbooking again.

Today it worked! The kids went to sleep, I made myself a cup of tea, opened the laptop and wrote this post. Yay!

But of course I know that one day means nothing. The reason I decided to write it all out is I want all of you guys to be my accountability team. I'm much more likely to keep this new habit if I make it public.

And just for now --

Cheers! I'm off to do some scrapbooking.

a getting-out-of-debt year turned into a year of flowers

As most of you already know, Sensei and I officially proclaimed this year a GOOD (Getting-Out-Of-Debt) year. 

We were really determined to pay off our credit card and developed a few strategies to make it happen (like not buying anything except absolutely necessary things; selling things we don't need etc.) We were doing really well for the first month, and I was going to share the process here on the blog in a hope that it could help people who were also going to get rid of their credit cards forever. 

However, this just wasn't destined to be.

It so happened that my mom got a huge bonus at work, and she gave us some money (nearly $1500) as a gift. Together with what we managed to save (about $500) it was right enough to cover our debt. End of story.

Yeah, it does seem a bit like an anti-climax, because well, I can't write a post like "if you want to get out of debt, just wait till your mom gives you the money". 

I tried to explain to my parents that it was too generous, and that we felt too much obliged, but it didn't work out well (my mom was really hurt that I was trying to not accept her gift, and after she actually started crying I gave up and decided to just be grateful for this unexpected surprise).

So after the card was destroyed, Sensei and I decided to take some action to show our gratitude. This is how an idea of a Year of Flowers instead of a getting-out-of-debt year came to life. 

We bought a vase and the best fresh roses we could find, went to my parents' home when they weren't there (I have an extra key from their apartment) and put the flowers on their dining table. From then on, we would put fresh flowers into that vase as soon as the previous started withering, and every time my parents sit down to eat they can enjoy fresh flowers as a reminder of our immense gratitude. So far I've only got roses (trying to buy a different variety every time), but I'm really looking forward to spring in order to get some tulips and peonies and all other gorgeous blooms that the season will bring. I know my mom loves fresh flowers, and I'm so happy that we can now afford buying them for her all year long. This makes me feel a bit better about this whole thing.

So, while I can't share tips and tricks on how to get out of debt for a year, I can at least share an idea of how to show your gratitude to someone special. "A year of flowers" sound pretty nice to me.

@traveler's

This Sunday Sensei invited me to a cafe of my choice. Now, I had no specific place on my mind, but I do have a favorite area in the town (you guys from Orel -- that would be Leninskaya St. all the way down and the road from Gagarin Pioneers Palace up to the Central Park). We decided to go for a walk there and settle in a coffee room that catches my eye.

We checked out at least five places before ending up at Traveler's Coffee.

Yes, that would be George and Alice in the window.

Traveler's seem to buy organic green coffee from various destinations (and they had my favorite Yemen and Ethiopia - bonus!), roast it, grind it and make it right there for you, so it's super fresh. 

They also had a Chemex! Now, I've been willing to try it out for quite some time (since reading Elise's rad post on it), but as this year was proclaimed a get-out-of-debt year I was going to order it in 2016. Never thought I'd have a chance to try it here in Orel! That was a nice surprise, though the only option were beans from Guatemala which I've never tried before. I went for it (of course). Generally liked the flavor but for a little sour note which is probably typical for this sort of beans; really eager to try the Ethiopian variety once they have it there.

We were looking for a cafe which had some sort of activities for kids, and these guys had crayons and coloring books. George ignored them, Alice was disappointed that she wasn't allowed to eat them, but Sensei really got into it. He was going to color a big turtle while waiting for the food, but it was served really fast.

We ordered a ton of food and everything was good. I mean it. Generous portions -- this is one sandwich on that plate, mind you (Sensei had an American which included french fries and barbecue sauce, and I went for turkey), nice drinks (mulled wine for Sensei, vanilla milk shake for George and, well, coffee for me), delicate dessert (we had Napoleon cakes), a soup (Sensei got solyanka because well, he always orders a soup when we eat out and chooses it over any dish at home -- soup is just his favorite type of dish). They even made pasta with cheese for George (they didn't have it on the menu but made it specially for him cause it's his favorite food). This is what he looks like when somebody makes an attempt at trying his pasta:

I really liked the guys who worked there and the beautiful girl who was our waitress. Open and friendly, and just generally really nice. A+.

This time we took home shoes for both of the kids so that they didn't have to sit there in their winter boots. It made them feel like home.

They especially loved that little nook in front of the window where they could lie and point out letters and look at people walking outside.

And when they got tired of that, Sensei went to follow them around while I was enjoying my coffee all alone.

And then we went home (this is how George and Alice move around when we're with Dad):

Alice got really excited when she saw all the pigeons flying there, and meeting that phlegmatic cat absolutely made her day.

And now, hello from the whole Komissariat!

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeey! I know this picture is crooked, but you get the idea.

And where do you like to eat out? 

getting sentimental

As many Russian people of my generation (I'm 29), I first heard this song when I was a kid, and I never thought it was something special. It didn't touch me deep inside or something. But a few days ago the weirdest thing happened.

I was walking with George (4) and Alice (18 months), and Alice was eager to play on the swings, so I put her on it, and George climbed next to her and put his hand around her so that she wouldn't fall down. 

I started to swing them, and George asked to sing something (they're always asking me to sing something; any song would do, especially if it has cats in it). And I suddenly remembered this song, Winged Swings. I sang it all, and I was freaking crying as I did. George asked to sing it again, and there I was, singing again and crying again. They asked me for this song over and over (how long were they swinging? like 15-20 min at the very least), and I kept singing and crying.

Now, for those of you guys who don't speak Russian I made an attempt at translating this song. So without further ado, let me introduce you to

Winged Swings

In the young month of April

Snow's melting in the old park

And winged swings 

Are taking off

Everything's forgotten

Heart stands still within

There's only the sky

There's only the wind

There's only joy ahead

There's only the sky

There's only the wind

There's only joy ahead

Flying higher than the trees

Knowing no limits

Winged swings

Are flying, flying

Flying

Winged swings

Are flying, flying

Flying

Childhood's going to end

Cause it's not forever

Kids are going to grow up

And fly away in all directions

But for now, we're only children

We're yet to grow and grow up

There's only the sky

There's only the wind

There's only joy ahead

Flying higher than the trees

Knowing no limits

Winged swings

Are flying, flying

Flying

Winged swings

Are flying, flying

Flying

The planet's turning faster

From the bustle of the spring

And birds are singing above us

And we're sining like the birds

Everything's forgotten

Heart stands still within

There's only the sky

There's only the wind

There's only joy ahead

Flying higher than the trees

Knowing no limits

Winged swings

Are flying, flying

Flying

Winged swings

Are flying, flying

Flying

.............................

You see? What is there to cry about? But as I was watching this video I got tears in my eyes again. Just look at that kid, just listen to this song.

Come on, what's going on with me? Am I going crazy? Am I getting old?

Japanese wife

When I was a teenager, I was never thinking about having a family and being a wife and a mother.

Of course I thought it'd be nice to fall in love and get married and maybe have a child one day, but I'd never dream of it or think about it for a long time. What I was thinking about though was my calling - I strived to find something I'd love doing and get really good at it. I truly believed that following your passion was the most important thing in life. The problem was, I didn't really know what my passion was. 

There were a few things I liked (like books, theatre, music, or fencing) and a few things I was good at (like foreign languages). Sometimes I could even talk myself into believing that one of them was my true calling, like sometimes I thought I'd become a great actress, or a great musician, or a great writer (the "great" component was obligatory, why bother otherwise). However, deep inside I always knew that wasn't a true thing. I was never good enough at any of those things to become great at them.

This situation made me really sad. I knew one was supposed to find what he loved; then do it, no matter what; and then have a difficult and happy lifetime. I really wanted to become a master at something. I wanted people who I admired to admire me, too, to see that I'm talented, to think that I'm worthy, and most of all, to love me. 

It seemed a hard enough plan, but I couldn't even check off the first task. What was my thing? What was my calling? And how was I supposed to succeed in life if I didn't even know that?

I was young enough to hope that I'd figure it out somehow if I move to a big city and try different things out. Get a career, get a life, that sort of thing. My parents completely agreed with me. We decided that I should go to Moscow, rent a flat, get a job, and then wonderful things might happen to me (like getting rich and famous and finding a good husband). So I graduated from the university and started looking for a job in Moscow.

And then, suddenly, I met a guy.

That is a whole another story, and I'll leave it for another day, but since I met that guy something changed in the picture of the world that I had inside my head. It was the first time in my life when the principles I believed were unshakable started to shaken. That was scary as hell, and I hoped that it was temporary, that it would pass. 

So I did move to Moscow (though I didn't really want it by then). I got an office job (of a personal assistant) and got really good at it, was promoted very fast, but didn't like it at all. I quit and found another job (of a teacher), and it happened again. On this job, though, I found a dear friend, so it wasn't completely in vain. I was also promoted very fast to the highest position possible (the co-owner of the language school), got good money and did interesting things (like writing books and recording audio for them). It wasn't that "calling thing" I was looking for, but it was certainly good enough. But to my horror I didn't feel I wanted it anymore (even the calling thing). I lost my old values, and my new ones scared me.

Then a few things happened - painful things, world shaking things, life changing things through which I survived and changed. I chose another way, though it took me a lot of courage to go the way no one (at least, not my parents or our society in general) approved of. I became a wife, and a mother, and I decided that it was the most important career I could ever find. 

It was so hard at first, because it just wasn't my thing. Running a house, cooking, bringing kids up... I've never dreamt about it, I wasn't prepared for it, I couldn't do it. 

But I could.

And ironically, right when I decided to make this change and take this unknown path which I felt was right, and decided that having a true calling was not as important as I thought at all - right then, I found it. While looking for some sort of craft to do when I was pregnant I stumbled across scrapbooking and got totally lost in the world of design, photography and writing. It is yet a totally different story waiting to be written, but I thought I'd mention it here nonetheless.

Right now my kids are small, and this "calling" is more of a hobby, but I hope to make it my job some day. But not now. Now I work as a stay at home mom. Of course I spend all my free time (when kids are sleeping or walking with dad or grandparents) to design. I take up classes, e-courses, get all education I can find (and sometimes even actually do something). But I have no wish to "combine" motherhood and career and "have the best of two worlds". I think there is a time for everything. A time to be a mother. A time to make a career. This is how I can do my best. Now is the mother time, and I'm going to enjoy it as fully as I can. 

For me, being a good mom doesn't mean just sitting at home with kids. I have to be loving, grateful, calm, brave and joyful. I have to be wise. I have to be strong. I have to soften. I have to look and see, to listen, to pay attention, to be super mindful. I have to learn to conflict and learn to compromise. I have to learn to make it through stressful situations with grace. I have to learn to let go. I have to change my habits. I have to exercise and eat well. I have to be always there. 

It looks like a lot of work to me.

Sometimes I get asked why I think I'm doing the right thing if the only people who think I'm right are my husband and some of my closest friends. It's quite simple:

Before I made that decision, I never ever felt happy or safe. True, there were lots of moments of joy in my life, but I could always feel some tension inside, an anxious knot that just wouldn't go away. I could forget it was there, I always acted as if it wasn't there, but it was.

After I made that decision I became happy. I'm not sure it's as simple as that, but any time now you may ask me if I'm happy and I'll tell you yes. I still feel anger and frustration and sadness and other normal human feelings at times, but there is always this peaceful spot inside me, which I can turn to any time I want. I'm finally being honest with myself. I look into my heart and I see that I'm doing what I think is right, no matter what other people think about it. And it makes me crazy happy.

Recently I've read some interesting information about Japanese women in the old times: a woman in Japan had to cook, run a house and look after her husband and children; and only then, when she could do that perfectly, she was allowed to do arts.

It made me smile. This is a path I've chosen for myself, though (surprise!) I don't live in ancient Japan. If I learn to do all this stuff (kids, husband, house) perfectly, I'll probably make a much better artist. So I'm off to being a good Japanese wife, and I wish you all finding your true happiness.

today was Christmas

Today was January, 7. Christmas Day.

Today Sensei made a giant bowl of dough and started making flat cakes (the recipe he invented himself long ago), but then got a phone call from work, and went to Arkhangelsk with his friend and colleague Gena. They need some more wood to finish the roof of the monastery bell tower which they've built in December, and the best wood comes from Arkhangelsk. So we finished baking flat cakes ourselves (and Egor called dad to proudly inform him about that). We were actually going to make Christmas cookies, but decided that flat cakes would do, too.

Today it was so cold outside (-20 C) that we stayed at home all day.

Today the twinkle lights and candles were lit all day long.

Today both kids fell asleep at the same time, but instead of taking advantage of that and sitting down to my laptop, I fell asleep with them, too.

Today we took a hot bath with rose bath bubbles which our friend Misha gave us for Christmas, and kids had a lot of fun splashing and throwing the bubbles around.

Today Egor discovered my old 3.0 mega pixel digital camera (which is like 12 years old), and was taking pictures with it all day (some of which turned out totally rad).

Today we were running around the house playing with toy guns and laughing our heads off for like an hour.

Today I read a lot of Petson and Findus, and even Alisa was listening.

Today we had no guests and spent the whole day just by ourselves.

Today we went to sleep almost at midnight.